(+2 rating, 78 votes)
Five years ago I was abducted by aliens. While aboard their mothership, they told me they had a very important mission for me. They wanted me to go back to Earth and spread their message. I told them I would, but when I got home I forgot what their message was, so I started a blog about my life instead.
I am a paralegal, which, despite the exciting “para” prefix (paralyzed, parachute, etc.) is very boring. Which is why my blog is boring.
I remember reading somewhere that Hemmingway always reminded himself to write about what he knows. So I was like, “Well, I know about kidnapping children. But writing about that may present some legal problems.” So instead I chose to write about funny things that make me seem less like a kidnapper.
This blog is almost 10 months old. I’ve been working on it for, all told, maybe two weeks now.
I don’t really keep track of my traffic, but if I had to take a guess I would say about 508 visits with an average length of 1:47 and 699 page views? Approximately?
I’ve been trying to get my blog to get a job for months now.
My readers are very particular. The majority of them own a copy of “The Cutting Edge” and have no real “taste” in writing. They are also terribly good looking, or so they tell me.
If you count all the time I spend procrastinating on MySpace, then approximately 2 hours a day. If not then 10-15 minutes.
Because two hours a day on MySpace makes me really good at stalking. Also, my therapist says that I need to make new friends because all my old ones reinforce bad habits, like kidnapping.
Above all, take interviews seriously. You only get so many opportunities to get your name out there. Don’t waste them trying to be funny.
This blog can be visited at http://redactedblog.blogspot.com/
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August 22nd, 2007 - 2:48 pm
I’ve been smitten with redacted for months. If that photo is really him, then he is hot AND funny as hell, and that’s just too sexy to handle.
August 22nd, 2007 - 3:49 pm
I’ve been reading [redacted] since its inception and was a fan of Dan’s previous blog. Reading his posts are always a bright point and are sure to make one smile.
August 22nd, 2007 - 4:01 pm
I once witnessed Dan save a wolf from a baby. That’s right, he saved the wolf. Just because it would make a more compelling blog post. That’s dedication.
August 22nd, 2007 - 4:33 pm
This guy sounds funny. At the end of August the votes reset, so everyone will be on the same playing ground to win the contest in September.
August 22nd, 2007 - 4:38 pm
I have been Dans fan since his previous blog Daily Dump. And i just love his humor…oh p.s. hes funnier when hes in a relationship - when he breaks up we all suffer lol love his blog and recommend it to everyone.
August 22nd, 2007 - 4:39 pm
Funniest blog in all history of blogs. Seriously.
August 22nd, 2007 - 5:05 pm
Dan is the man. The picture he has on his blog really helps with making him seem even funnier and more witty (even caustic at times) than he would be without the dashing photo. His writes about all kinds of things, and while he tends to complain, it’s always in a fashion that most people can relate to, and that’s what we’re looking for in our blogs these days - the family time we never got as children. His blog is awesome because there are just enough links/videos/pictures to keep things stylish, and plenty of textual content that gives me a reason to get up in the morning.
August 23rd, 2007 - 6:50 am
I’m addicted to Dan’s blog. Some people are addicted to crystal meth. Me? I can’t survive without my daily fix of [redacted].
August 31st, 2007 - 3:35 pm
Dan is THE guy when it comes to blogs. He’s the greatest. And I’m not only saying this because I’m his aunt….
August 31st, 2007 - 4:12 pm
im loving the blog. Mad love Dan the Man
August 31st, 2007 - 10:44 pm
good stuff.
September 26th, 2007 - 9:34 pm
i really didn’t expect to like this blog but he’s quite funny.
August 20th, 2008 - 2:35 am
i stumbled upon his blog last night while i was stalking people (i know, pretty strange). i started reading it from the beginning and now i’m at August, 2007….love it!
…and i’m still lazy, even though i’m reading all the posts.