redacted- Daniel Murphy

Five years ago I was abducted by aliens. While aboard their mothership, they told me they had a very important mission for me. They wanted me to go back to Earth and spread their message. I told them I would, but when I got home I forgot what their message was, so I started a blog about my life instead.

I am a paralegal, which, despite the exciting “para” prefix (paralyzed, parachute, etc.) is very boring. Which is why my blog is boring.

I remember reading somewhere that Hemmingway always reminded himself to write about what he knows. So I was like, “Well, I know about kidnapping children. But writing about that may present some legal problems.” So instead I chose to write about funny things that make me seem less like a kidnapper.

This blog is almost 10 months old. I’ve been working on it for, all told, maybe two weeks now.

I don’t really keep track of my traffic, but if I had to take a guess I would say about 508 visits with an average length of 1:47 and 699 page views? Approximately?

I’ve been trying to get my blog to get a job for months now.

My readers are very particular. The majority of them own a copy of “The Cutting Edge” and have no real “taste” in writing. They are also terribly good looking, or so they tell me.

If you count all the time I spend procrastinating on MySpace, then approximately 2 hours a day. If not then 10-15 minutes.

Because two hours a day on MySpace makes me really good at stalking. Also, my therapist says that I need to make new friends because all my old ones reinforce bad habits, like kidnapping.

Above all, take interviews seriously. You only get so many opportunities to get your name out there. Don’t waste them trying to be funny.

This blog can be visited at http://redactedblog.blogspot.com/

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