this blog, The Nothing Report, is a small demonstration of the ineffective observances from one mans perspective, one man’s life… one man’s filthy habits that he should stop getting caught doing furiously over the neighbor’s dog every Tuesday. This is observational at it’s best where you, the reader, have the utmost enjoyment wondering how I think of the things I do, while at the same time realize there’s a small piece of you that thinks the same way. You’re now on the road to becoming insane like me. Congratulations.
I used to be a land surveyor; peeing in the woods, holding my rod, throwing up at the giant, orange sight of the inside of a predominantly Mexican porta-jon. Those were the days. Now, I write on occasion. This blog, a sitcom I’m working on, and a full sized novel. As soon as I learn to read, it should come along smoothly.
What topic? I don’t remember specifying a topic, but if you remember me mentioning one, I’m sure I can think of something on the fly… How about… the art of paper airplane unfolding. I started writing about this because no one ever dedicated their time to write a blog about making pieces of paper out of folded pieces of paper. I’ve been working on research for this topic for quite some time now; at least 29 seconds or so.
I’ve been writing posts for this blog for over 2 years now, but no one’s head has exploded yet, so I’m still working on my ultimate goal. There was that time a guy’s nose bled for a few minutes, but he was a self proclaimed psychic, so he denied it having to do anything with the blog and claimed telepathic clairvoyance. Of course I’m just guessing because he didn’t say anything.
I have no idea, but if I had good math skills and could calculate it on paper, I’d say probably two or three. That’s excluding animals with imposable thumbs and tax attorneys… of course.
Yeah… Okay, no it has no income. I don’t even get paid attention most of the time. Not only is my blog so far from civilization, even my own friends are so lazy that nobody even reads it. I have to physically go to somebody’s house and bring it up on their computer so I can make them read it. I don’t really think anyone would pay me for writing something that three people and a one-legged monkey read.
Obviously that kind of person doesn’t exist yet, but as soon as Darwinism proves useful to me one day, I’ll be sure to start advertising. I’m still working on an ad campaign that reflects the invention of the self-cleaning liver.
You mean, per month. Not that much time. It takes me about an hour or longer to finish one post and that’s just because I include a good bit of pictures with each post. If you can find the hidden links, there are also a portion of pictures featuring my friends’ mothers naked in the shower. I’m still trying to figure out how I have no income and I can still afford thirty-seven hi-def spy cameras.
I didn’t even realize that was an option. You can subscribe to something you’re never gonna read? Well that’s just swell. Maybe I should take that advice and send Marvel Comics a check. If you were to subscribe to this blog, however, I’ll include a brand new, slightly used VCR I got as a prize last week at a bingo tournament under an I-85 overpass. It’s swell.
Succeed in what? Blogging? Well I’m pretty sure if you do it, there’s a 100% success rate. I would tell them if they follow their dreams long enough, eventually those dreams will get trampled on, then they can lose everything they own to our communist government who steals every liberty they promise. After that, all that’s left is to write a blog… so reach for the stars!
This blog can be visited at http://thenothingreport.blogspot.com